Tuesday, April 3, 2012

so i'm kind of a hypochondriac

For the past three or four weeks I've had this nagging pain in my arm, especially when I wake up in the morning.  Yesterday it went from nagging to downright excruciating.  The kind where you might utter a four letter word.  Brian said it was time to go to the doctor.  Brian's not much of a worrier when it comes to health.  He's from the "tough it out, your fine" camp.  I'm from camp hypochondriac.  Sometimes our camps go to war.  Especially when it comes to this little bean:


{how cute is this face by the way?}

So when he said it was time to head to the doc, I was kinda worried.  I started to google "upper arm pain" and in about 20 minutes I was pretty convinced I had sarcoma (a soft tissue cancer).  I was also pretty sure the doctor would tell me my arm would have to be amputated.  I even began to come up with ways I could make light of my situation and joke about it so people wouldn't feel uncomfortable around the cancer victim without an arm.  I had my future all planned out.  Yes, it's a beautiful mind, folks.

I headed to the doc this morning.  I sat down and the nurse began to ask me questions about my symptoms.  As I began to list them, I tried to read her face for any conclusions she may be arriving at regarding my cancerous condition.  Was that a look of sympathy?  Was that a knowing "mmhmm" that there was a serious diagnosis on the way?  These were the thoughts racing through my mind.  The doctor shortly came in, had me move my arm in a few different directions and stated...wait for it..."welp, you've got a strained rotator cuff."  A strained rotator cuff? I thought.  She told me I couldn't lift anything heavier than 10 lbs for the next two weeks.  Lola weighs 14 lbs, you do the math.  I've got an exciting two weeks ahead.  "So do you think I need a sling or something?"  I was hoping for a sling.  I knew if I brought a sling home I could probably get a lot more sympathy.  Camp "tough it out" was not going to think this was that big of a deal.  But it is a big deal.  I would probably be laid up on the couch for at least a few days, the sling might buy me a week of no cooking or house work.  To my dismay, there was no sling.  She thought with Lola it would be more of an inconvenience than a help.  "Okay." I muttered.  Me and my strained rotator cuff walked to the car, much relieved.

So what was the lesson from all of this you might ask?  Why did I decide this was a blog worthy event?  Well remember my last post a while ago about trusting God?  Lately He's been giving me lots of opportunities to trust Him.  I was reading 1 Peter yesterday and came upon a little bit of scripture I loved :

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

1 Peter 5:5-10

Now this little chunk of scripture is jam-packed with lessons Jesus has been teaching me about.  Pride, humility, anxiety, how much He cares for me.  Sometimes I forget how much he cares for me.  He cared that I was feeling anxious about my arm even though it was kind of silly.  He says to cast all our anxiety on Him, not just the things we deem worthy.  He wanted me to go to Him and find security and comfort in Him.  Not Brian or Google or Web MD first, Him.  The God of the universe wants me to go to Him when I'm feeling anxious or melancholy or ecstatic and full of joy.  He even gets jealous when I don't.  God is jealous for me.  Little 'ol me.  I find that truth to be amazing.  Kind of unfathomable.  Sometimes it's hard to wrap my brain around.  So I am going to go spend some time with Him.  Just being still, with Him.  Drinking in His love and mercy and grace and peace.  Be still my heart. 

2 comments:

  1. I like your story! Thanks for sharing this! I know what you mean. I just had surgery about a month ago. They just wanted to make sure I did not have cancer. I too was convinced I had cancer until I got the results back. It's nice to know that I'm not the only worry wart! I admire your faith! If I had half that much I could leave my camp of worry!
    Thanks

    Tia

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  2. Ohmygoodness. You cracked me up!!! You, my dear, are hilarious. Cancer-ridden amputee??? Well thanks God it's just a strained rotator cuff (just like I thought). Here's my recommendation : plenty of rest, no cooking or cleaning, and send Lola to your mom, just in case you forget you aren't supposed to lift her.

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